Warm pasteles, soft mouth-watering flan, and crunchy chicharrones that can take a while to chew but are worth every bite. I grew up in a Puerto Rican household with wonderful delicacies. But extra helpings can lead to weight gain, as I learned firsthand. Gaining weight as you grow is normal, but being an obese child is not. And not just because of health concerns. As an obese elementary student, I walked through the hallways, facing snide remarks about my weight from boys, girls and even adults. As a quiet child, I just accepted these remarks as the norm.
In middle school, my weight became a bigger challenge. I vividly remember going for my physical. The doctor told me, “If you lose weight, you’ll have all the boys approaching you.”
I was only 12. Being so young at the time, I didn’t fully appreciate how odd that statement was. During this time my parents were in the process of splitting up, and I spent a lot of time finding a distraction from the tension. I wrote stories in journals as a source of comfort and escape. I also found comfort in my uncle’s cooking. I found stability within his home, now our home. And the strong aroma of sofrito — a mix of cilantro, garlic and red onions — lingered throughout the house. The smell made me want more, and so before I knew it, I started taking second helpings every night. Initially I didn’t realize that I started gaining weight; I was just ecstatic that I had more food in my house than I’d had in months.
Eventually, the extra portions caught up with me when I had to throw out most of my now too-tight clothes and the scale blinked with the number 210. Seeing that number and analyzing my body and every perceived flaw made me sob in the shower.
Even so, I didn’t completely falter. Eighth-grade prom was around the corner, and at first, it made my heart skip a beat thinking about it. It also sparked motivation within me. My uncle had removed his exercise bike from his closet and that bike soon became part of my daily routine. I also tried to make healthier food choices: At first, I struggled with eating the right foods since I was used to consuming sweets almost daily. I would often become cranky and lash out at people, not my proudest moments. I can also admit I isolated myself.
Eventually, I learned that I did not have to give up all the foods I loved. I just had to eat in moderation and cut out late night snacks. After I was dismissed from school everyday, I would rush over to the bike. Focused on making the numbers on the scale drop, I often felt too exhausted to study and finish assignments.
What I eventually realized is that I also needed to find the right balance in meeting my self-improvement goals and academic demands. Doing so eased my stress, which in turn helped me meet my fitness goals and do better in school. As I achieved my goals, I realized the prom was no longer my motivation. I strived to have more confidence, not just physically but also in my abilities. I took as much time as I could to workout and soon enough my grades improved because I saw I could exceed my expectations. I didn’t change simply to acquire attention from boys or for an eventful night. I changed because I needed to become the person I wanted to be.
